what do I want to be when I grow up? Part 2: Who are you?

"The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar."


There is a screaming baby in my living room so I am not sure how long I will be able to write. Daddy has his screaming baby, I promise I have not just abandoned my child to cry, though at times it feels that way when I need to make a meal for the rest of my family or take a shower. Unlike I, she does not consider these things important.

Remember a while back when I was talking about what I want to be when I grow up? Well the thought has been plaguing me again. You see, I have just a few short years before I am entirely free (well, when kids are in school), however I have even less time until I have a little extra time on my hands. Once Kaylee is 1-2ish and less "hold me!" and perhaps takes a regular nap (or two) I will suddenly find myself free to perhaps start something. Oh the crying baby is asleep! My wonderful amazing husband is the one that did it. Have I perhaps mentioned that he is wonderful and amazing? If not let me do that now.

Speaking of...he and I were on a date last night and we were talking a bit about this. The whole job thing, not the crying baby.

The question come up, what do I really like doing?

Option 1 of course is go back to school. I need to finish my degree, and it is something I really want to do. Of course in thinking that, I speculated what I would want to study. I no longer believe a Communications degree is really what I want, but do I finish that just to have it finished, or do I go on the path that I want to be my true career? I said in this conversation that for sure, no matter what degree I ended up getting that I want to take some creative writing coarses.

You know how when you are good at something, say as a teenager and EVERYONE goes on about how great you are? Say you then, wanting to do this with your life, go to school specifially for that and you are for the first time surrounded by people just as good and much better then you at this particulour thing and you realize you are no longer special? I want that for creative writing. It is not that I consider myself to be excellent at it in any way, but I know it is something that I CAN do and I want to be surrounded by motivation to learn how to do it better. I want to aspire and I want someone who will unbiasedly tell me how to be better.

Most of you know I was home schooled all through-out the first part of my life. College was the first time I had ever known a real classroom. I can remember vividly on my first day, going into the classroom. I sat at the desk, fresh notebook in front of me, new pen in hand and started taking notes as the professor started listing information we needed to know. As I sat there I remember a thrill going through me, my dear friend Emily would call it The Flash. If you do not know Emily you should ask me about her. She should be friend to all in my opinion. Basically it was the pure joy of living coursing through my vains. Brought upon by the General Ed health class on my first day of college. I was good at this! I all of a sudden knew it. I had never known it before. I had only ever just done the work in front of me. I had never even thought to consider whether I was good at it or not. But here I was, finally in a real school surrounded by people, taught by a person and I was able to take notes well! I could write complete intelligent papers, I could study and master information in order to get good grades. This felt amazing to me! All through-out my college career I kept that flash. Certainly classes got old and homework tedious. But I always knew I loved to learn, so as frustrated as I got with classes I knew in the end I would look back on the time with joy and longing. I met my now husband in college, I met amazing friends that I still cherish. I "found" myself I suppose you could say. Confused as I may still be with my professorial future.

All that to say, going back to college excites me. I think I would LOVE it.  I have no illusions about how much hard work it will be. And when the time comes I will complain about teachers, and stress about work-load. But I will be learning. I have grown rusty at learning in my stay-at-home-momness.  It is a thirst that has been put on hold, but I will get there again.

We have had conversations about what can be done professionally as a creative writer.  I would love to write for the local paper. But I did terrible in my paper article writing class (see, I can't even remember what it was cal...journalism! That was it!) I did terrible in my journalism class because I was too wordy. I can write a 10 page paper and at the end of it I have said absolutely nothing.  But I can guarantee you will smile while you read it. So I would have to be a columnist of some sort. Short entertaining blurbs that don't really matter. I would enjoy that, but the chances of getting that job is rather slim.

I am a reader. Apparently that is odd since my eyes do this weird thing and the eye doctor says I should not enjoy reading because of it. But - I love reading just the same. Perhaps it is my mile-wide stubborn streak. I Especially love books that are written in a very particular way. I'm certain there must be a name for it. But Peter Pan, Pooh and Alice are all written like this. Some George McDonald and E. Nesbit books are as well. The author is almost a character. He has opinions, talks about the characters and sometimes to them. He is almost a narrator, but not completely because it is not just events he is describing but he is actually telling the story to the reader. You feel the author is almost in the room with you, painting the story as a masterpiece right there in your living room as you sit at his feet mesmerized.

So I have decided to write a book. I want to write it in this style so most likely it will be a kids book, though I am not certain of that. Perhaps my lovely sister would do the illustrations once we get there? How many innocent people have claimed they want to write a book? No clue, but I have now joined their ranks. I am not certain when this book will begin, who it will be about or why. But I want the reader to laugh for joy as they peruse it's humble pages. I would make it of a little girl who wants to be a pirate but I fear that has already been done.  So I will have to come up with something entirely creative. Any ideas?


"The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I - I hardly know, sir, just at present - at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'"

I am not entirely sure at the moment who I am, I fear I have changed so many times in the past 8 years or so that it is a bit fuzzy. But I am fully confidant that when the time is write - I shall know.